Over the course of the past few weeks I’ve had many trials with work and life in general. It’s been a challenge to keep control of my stress level, mental and physical health. I’ve been asking myself: How in the world do I keep up at my job, dealing with the increasing demands of my managers, deal with the anger and rude comments from customers, and stressed, frustrated co-workers? Take a deep breath and pray.
In the mix of that stress how in the world does a girl keep to a healthy diet, (when I want to just stuff my face with chocolate) occasionally feed my husband a good healthy meal, and keep the laundry and dishes from growing minds of their own and taking over the house? Take a deep breath and pray.
On my own, I can’t deal with the stress of every day life and keep to my goals, but the great thing is, I don’t have to. When my own will power isn’t enough to stick to my diet, I’ve got my husband, (usually that’s enough) but if he’s not immediately around to stop me from grabbing those two cans of soda, I’ve now got bible verses stuck to my cupboards. When my discipline and will power isn’t enough, Gods is.
In general, the trials and lessons that have been put before me the past few weeks have all been down to discipline and a bit of prayer to get through them. Especially in haidong. When I decided that I wanted to be a part of a school, I thought I was living my dream, that every week was going to be fun. A physical challenge, but fun. That idea has since been lit on fire and changed into something different. Granted, of course there are days that are fun, but some days really aren’t. Last month when mother nature came bashing down my door, all I really wanted to do was curl up in a fetal position on my bed and cry the cramping hurt so bad. But again, with a lot of discipline and prayer, I made a choice. Was I going to let, well, being a woman keep me from training, or was I going to be THE woman, punch my day in the face and show my boys how to keep training?
Guess which one I chose. I go to class and gave the students the best I have, because I do what I have too.
Last week was a different lesson of discipline. Sometimes when I train, especially at testing or just on the spot within my own little school, I get so nervous that I’m going to do the wrong technique in front of people I feel like I’m going to throw up. It’s almost an anxiety/ panic attack. Up until this point it’s easy enough for my own will power to overcome it. But not last week. Last week I nearly failed. I’ve had to learn how to just say a little prayer, kick in that discipline and do it anyway. Master Burn’s words of wisdom in a nutshell: “When I face those kinds of trials, I say a prayer and know that I’m not on my own. Jesus is on my side when I make a mistake” (and it will happen) that helps to power through that trial and anxiety and do my form. When the voice in my head is screaming: “OhgodohgodIcan’tdothisI’mgoingtothrowup!!” Turns out I can still do my techniques and function with just a bit more discipline.
At the end of the day, seeing my students work hard, grow a little in their art and taking another step on their journey makes all of my own pain and challenges seem like nothing. In the end I do this for them, to be the best person I can, and for the glory of God. When my will power isn’t enough (and it never is) I can take a second to pray, remember that everything I can do can be done for the glory of god, then the discipline can kick in and I can stay on track of my goals.