“You’ve been burdened with a daunting responsibility, and if you’re not performing at your absolute best, you give those that follow you, no reason to do otherwise” -Professor Ozpin
“I’m a failure.”-Jaune (Jon) Arc
“Nope, You’re not allowed to be a failure any more Jaune. Your’re a leader now. You’re team comes first, and yourself second”. -Ruby Rose
In honor of receiving our new art prints from kick-starting the RWBY “Combat Ready!” board game I decided to pull out and watch season 1 of my favorite web series Sunday night. We had to call it slightly early for me to get some sleep, but those quotes rang in my head all night. My lifestyle has changed a bit since then. When I first had seen RWBY I was merely a student. I was inspired by these other awesome young students who trained their entire lives for the opportunity to fight monsters, help save the world, and survive the process. Now that I’ve been promoted to senior student, I’ve had to think of myself as more a leader. Just as Ruby and Jaun(Jon) had been appointed leaders of their teams.
I’m not going to lie, that thought scared me. I knew it was coming eventually, but it was still a responsibility I wasn’t sure I was ready for. “What if I wasn’t good enough?” “What if I couldn’t be the leader they needed?” “What if I wasn’t strong or fast enough?” “What if I fail?” I’ve struggled for a long time with fear and doubt in myself. Just as Ruby was doubting that she had been the correct choice for a leader and Jaun(Jon) was terrified of failing his team. Somewhere I read or heard that if there’s something you struggle with in martial arts, more than likely it’s something you struggle with in real-life. Or vise versa. For me, leadership is one of them.
I began to face these trails head on when teaching our youngest (at the moment) student Jasper the shoulder roll out of form 5. Even with just the muggum,the fear of hurting myself makes me nervous to do the roll on the hardwood floor. I had to face that and do it anyway for the sake of teaching Jasper. I simply couldn’t be afraid, and I couldn’t be a failure. I simply had to ignore that fear. It was like pushing my brain over a cliff and my body had no choice but to follow. And for the most part, it worked. I rolled! My roll wasn’t perfect, but it was a roll and we have video evidence of the two of us doing it together. Now, I’m a little less nervous about that shoulder roll, and a little less nervous about my own capabilities.
This school has become my new dream and passion. I may be scared and doubtful about myself, but I’m going to try and train my best anyway to be the strong, positive, leader my students deserve. Instead of chasing dreams, I have to think of goals now. Every class if I want to encourage my students to meet their goals I have to actively, and aggressively be working toward my own. Including loosing the fear and doubt in myself, (loosing weight) as well as training hard. Some how, some way I have to become that huntress. Every day from now on, I have to hunt towards my goals, be able to perform my absolute best for my students, and take out the ‘monsters’ the fear that limits my personal growth and training.